How to Ask
for a Raise
A raise isn't a favor. It's a business conversation. Here's the script, the math, and the prep checklist. Most dads wait too long, ask wrong, or never ask at all.
70% of people who ask for a raise get one. But only 37% of workers ever ask. Source: PayScale Salary Survey, 2024 The math is simple: asking is the highest-return activity in your career. A $5,000 raise earned 1 year earlier is worth $50,000+ over the next decade when you factor in compounding raises on top of raises.
What one raise is actually worth
A raise isn't a one-time bonus. It compounds. Every future raise, bonus, and 401k match is calculated on your new, higher salary.
That's because every future 3% raise is calculated on $92,000 instead of $85,000. The gap widens every year.
The script (word for word)
This isn't a casual hallway conversation. It's a structured meeting. Here's exactly how to run it.
"Hey [manager name], I'd like to schedule 20 minutes to discuss my compensation. I've been thinking about my contributions and growth here, and I want to have a thoughtful conversation about it. Could we find time this week or next?"
Why this works: You're not ambushing them. You're giving them time to prepare too. The word "contributions" frames this as a business conversation, not a personal request.
"Thanks for making time. I want to start by saying I'm committed to this role and this team. I've been reflecting on the past [6-12] months and I want to share some specific things I've accomplished, and then talk about where I'd like my compensation to be."
"Here are three things I'm most proud of:
1. [Specific accomplishment with measurable result]. This [saved/earned/improved] [specific number or outcome].
2. [Specific accomplishment]. This impacted [team/company/revenue/efficiency] by [how].
3. [Responsibility you've taken on beyond your job description]. I've been doing this for [timeframe] and it's become a core part of how the team operates."
Key: Research shows that quantified accomplishments are 40% more persuasive than qualitative descriptions Source: Harvard Business Review, 2023 . "I improved team efficiency" is weak. "I reduced report turnaround from 5 days to 2 days, saving the team 12 hours/week" is strong. Use numbers.
"Based on my contributions and market data for this role in [your metro area], I believe a salary of $[target] is appropriate. That represents a [X]% increase."
Why name a number: Anchoring studies show that the first number named in a negotiation strongly influences the outcome Source: Columbia Business School negotiation research . If you say "I'd like a raise" with no number, you get whatever they were planning to give you. Name a specific number slightly above your real target. That becomes the anchor.
If "Yes": "Thank you. I appreciate it. Can you tell me when this takes effect and whether it'll be reflected in my next pay cycle?"
If "Not right now" or "I need to check": "I understand. Can we set a specific date to revisit this? I'd like to have a follow-up within [2-4 weeks] so we can keep the conversation moving."
If "The budget doesn't allow it": "I appreciate your honesty. Are there other forms of compensation we can discuss? Additional PTO, a one-time bonus, a title change, flexible schedule, or professional development budget? And can we set a specific timeline and criteria for revisiting the salary conversation?"
Critical: Never accept "not right now" without a specific follow-up date. Vague promises disappear. A date on the calendar holds both sides accountable.
The prep checklist (do this before the meeting)
Why dads wait too long to ask
"I should just be grateful I have a job." Gratitude and fair compensation are not mutually exclusive. You can be thankful for your role and also recognize that your market value has increased. Companies expect this conversation. It's normal.
"They'll give it to me when I deserve it." Data shows that employees who proactively negotiate earn 7-10% more over their careers than those who wait to be recognized Source: PayScale, 2024 . Your manager has 15 other things on their plate. Your raise is not top of mind unless you put it there.
"What if they say no and it's awkward?" It won't be awkward. Managers expect these conversations. A professional request, regardless of the outcome, signals that you take your career seriously. That's a positive signal, not a negative one.
Once you get the raise, make sure it works for your family: What to Do With Your Money After a Raise.
Sources: Raise success rates from PayScale 2024 Compensation Best Practices Report Source: PayScale . Quantified accomplishment research from HBR negotiation studies Source: Harvard Business Review . Anchoring effect from Galinsky & Mussweiler negotiation research Source: Columbia Business School . Market rate data from Glassdoor Economic Research 2025 Source: Glassdoor . Compound salary projections use standard annual raise assumptions. This guide is educational and not a guarantee of any specific outcome.
